Navigating Life After College: Identity and Mindsets

 Written by Denée Reaves '11. Learn more about about Reaves and the work she provides.

Uncover Your Personal Values

We agree with Socrates when he said, “the unexamined life is not worth living” as well as the words Shakespeare put into Polonius’s mouth “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Self-awareness is a life-long journey and there are many ways we come to know ourselves. What makes self-knowledge such an important aspect in having healthy and happy relationships is this - the better we know ourselves, the more we can trust ourselves to make good choices that are based on our true heart’s desire. Knowing our personal values are essential areas of self-knowledge. Much of the struggles and pain in life come from stepping on our values or selling out on what’s really important to us.

Personal Values

When we know our personal values, we can honor and live by them. When we don’t, we live by guesswork. Not being conscious and intentional around our values means we are operating blindly. How do we describe what a personal value is and how it works? This is a really good question because values, on the one hand, can be elusive and difficult to pin down. On the other hand, when we clearly identify and understand our values, they seem like the most obvious things in the world.

Having said that, here is an introduction to some of the qualities that are shared by all values. There is a list below of many words that have been used to describe values, so you may want to peek at that now to see some examples of what we are talking about. That list is only a guide. The words that you will come up with to describe your values will be unique to you… poetry from your heart.

A value is an essential powerful force in your life, an important idea, concept or principle that has always, and will always, guide your life. Generally, our most important values are invisible to us yet ever-present.

When made aware of them, we realize the meaningless torture that life is without them and the paradise it is with them. They seem to be consistent throughout a lifetime, although our ways of thinking about, experiencing and describing them continually change. Values are the source of our greatest joy when we are honoring them or experience others honoring them, and deepest pain when we sell out on them or experience others stepping on them.

Values are always a positive force. There is nothing negative about a value. Think of it as a light beam of pure, delightful, loving energy emanating from your heart. It is chock full of unchanging positive energy…What we do with it, how we react to its presence or absence in our lives and how we think about them… that’s where negativity can enter the picture. We can tell when something is not right because we usually get signals from our heart or our  gut. Without knowing our values, we don’t know what to do or how to bring about a change. When we know our values, we can consciously choose to honor our values and become aware of how to avoid selling out on them. 

One of the ways to discover your values is to notice when you are most alive, excited and feeling peaceful, grounded and trustworthy. This feeling comes about when you are living into your values. A great example is my cousin who deeply lived out his value of putting God first. So many unexpected opportunities opened up as he lived this out. When you are cranky, agitated, angry or bothered by something, it’s usually an indication of a value being stepped on. Like when my value of Fierce Finances was stepped on. 

Look over the list of values below. Pick the top ten that resonate most with you or feel free to make up ten of your own. These are your own personal values - not ones you think you should have or that sound good - but the values that you know are truly the most important to you. When you have chosen your top 10, take those words and play around with phrases and similar words that are more meaningful to you or more fun to say and think. When you land on the most resonant words and phrases, make a list and bring it with you to William and Mary’s Welcome to the City event on September 15th, 2021. We’ll dive deeper into what your personal values are and talk about how you can live them out every day.

Sample List of Words That Could Represent Values for You

Acceptance Accomplishment Acquisition Adventure Aesthetics Affiliation Authenticity Authority Autonomy • Balance Beauty • Challenge Commitment Communication Community Companionship Compassion Competence Competition Conformity Connection Conservation Contentment Contribution Control Cooperation Creativity Cultural Heritage Curiosity • Dependability Diversity Differences Duty • Education Elegance Emotional Awareness Emotional Expression Equity Ethics Excitement Exploring • Fairness Faith Family Fitness Financial Security Flexibility Forgiveness Freedom Friendship Frugality Fun • Generosity Global Responsibility Grace Gratification •Happiness Harmony Health Helping Home Honesty Humility Humor • Idealism Influence Independence Insight Integrity Intimacy • Joy Justice • Kindness • Leadership Learning Listening Love Loyalty • Meaning Moderation Morality Mutuality • Nature Nurturing Nutrition • Parenting Passion Peace Perfection Personal Growth Play Pleasure Politics Power Predictability Pride Prosperity Purpose • Quietness • Recognition Relationship Religious Respect Reciprocity Responsibility Risk-taking • Security SelfAwareness Self-Care Self-discipline Self-esteem Self-sufficiency Service to others Sexuality Social Status Socialization Space Spirituality Spontaneity Stability Structure Supportability Survival • Teaching Teamwork Time Tolerance Tradition Trust Truth • Variety • Wealth Wholeness Wisdom Wonder Work